Are you going to have any more?
This is what I heard from my car mechanic when I went to pick my Honda Odyssey minivan recently. Baby in infant seat seamlessly balanced in the crook of my bent elbow on one side, my 3 year old daughter attached to the hand at the end of that arm, and me signing the charge card statement in the other – it must appear amazing to onlookers. Except my mechanic didn’t ask me this question in the usual impertinent manner most people do…I’ll explain in a moment. Most of the time when I get this question from a complete stranger in a supermarket as I cart around my five kids, I have to double check to make sure someone hasn’t slapped a sign on my back stating, “Uterus Open for Inspection” – in the same way jocks used to slap “Kick Me” signs on unsuspecting nerds in high school. Excuse me, but I did not read anywhere in Peggy Post’s (aka Ms. Manners exemplar) 400+ page book on “Etiquette” that anyone has an excuse to ask such a personal question. What is it about having a “large” family that makes someone you just met feel it’s perfectly benign to inquire about whether or not you’ve had your tubes tied (or been successfully “neutered” as an acquaintance of mine once bragged?) Our society is obsessed with families with more than 2.1 kids. We watch with uncanny interest movies like “Cheaper by the Dozen” and other such flicks which tell the story of life in an “oversized” family & the choatic bliss which I call “home”. On the other hand, when the movie is finished, many say “no, thanks! I could NEVER do that!” I have pondered this for some time now, as I have been raising a family now for some ten years. In these years, many blessings have occurred to our family, we have “moved up” from apartment to house, zero car to two cars, etc. – in strictly material terms, things have increased for us. Why it is then that people are always so quick to say “Congratulations!” with the announcement of a bigger or second home, third of fourth vehicle, a promotion or a larger paycheck at work, but are speechless when it comes to what to say to the news of a third, fourth, or fifth pregnancy?! My children have all been wanted. They have all been specifically timed and planned . None of them was a “mistake” or failure of a birth control method! (If you’d like some information on the effectiveness of NFP, feel free to contact me directly.) I don’t know what I’d do without them! They keep me smiling,they simple and humble, with a much better chance of reaching my final goal in life.
So, no, I’m NOT “done” yet. I hope to have a baby at my side as long as I can reasonably manage. And as many of those women who ask me the title question confide quietly to me after I express my hope they wish they would have too. There is always some story – sometimes some tragedy – which prevented them from doing so, and they wished they could have had “just one or two more”. This is where I go back to the story with my mechanic – a great guy – and his wife. He told me how he and his wife had always wanted a large family – they pictured maybe seven children or so. They were prepared to do it, no matter what the cost (literally), they would make it work and their family would be a fortress of their passionate love for each other. But after having two children, and learning of a serious condition on the wife’s part, they sadly realized their dream could never become a reality. He said it has been one of their life’s greatest disappointments and to never look back if you are one of the blessed who were able to welcome “more”.
