It wasn’t meant to be
Yesterday, I suffered the miscarriage of my 11 week old unborn baby. After five healthy pregnancies and normal births, this is the first time this has ever happened to me. Everything seemed to be going well at a routine doctor’s office visit until we got to the ultrasound. As my doctor viewed the ultrasound for quite some time, my enthusiasm was quelled as I piped up, “Oh, look how much the baby has grown!” to her response, “I have to tell you that I don’t see a heartbeat.” Completely shocked, I thought there must be some kind of mistake. “Can you check again?” “Sure”, she replied, and explained to me and showed me on the ultrasound that the area where I saw the baby’s heart beating just over one month ago, nothing was moving and the heart monitor showed a flatline. My baby had died. “Are you sure my baby is dead?” “Yes,” she answered, “100%”. Then the flood of tears came as I have never experienced before. The family and I had been excitedly making plans with this baby in mind. I excitedly told everyone that we would be having an early Christmas present this year, as the baby’s due date was December 1st. As all this came to a screeching halt in my mind, I had one predominant thought: I love this child. I am sorry if he or she had to suffer inside my womb before death. Perhaps there was some abnormality that became incompatible with life. What is certain is that it was not meant to be. God allowed me to hold this precious child close, closer than any other person, for just a little while. What an amazing privilege! In heaven, I will see and know more clearly. For now, I have to grieve that this beautiful thing has come to an end.
