The realization that things are for a higher purpose
In the sadness of the loss of our miscarried child’s life, a profound realization has been accomplished. I have come to understand, and be at peace, with this happening. Amidst periods of spontaneous tears over the past few days, I have also had moments of light. Yesterday, I had a moment of light, and then afterward actually experienced joy. This is because the scales fell from my eyes and I clearly saw that my 11 week old unborn child, now without earthly life and without a voice, can continue to accomplish God’s will for his life from heaven.
I’m sure this sounds crazy, particularly since one does not normally expect to have this reaction after miscarriage; and loss usually does not help one to be in the most “clear” frame of mind. Of course, I would have preferred to carry this sweet baby to term and hold him in my arms, like my five other uneventful pregnancies. But God doesn’t give parents any kind of lifetime guarantee for their children.
It is true. I’m at peace with the miscarriage now. I realize the baby’s life had a purpose. Today, I received a card in the mail which said, “No matter how long your unborn child nestled beneath your heart, its brief life was no less precious than one whose span is measured in years….Sometimes a lifetime is lived in the space of a single breath….a heartbeat…or a thought in the mind of God”.
Certainly Ignatius (the name we gave the baby), in his little 11 unborn weeks, may very well have accomplished more, than some do in a lifetime lasting many years. You see when we were are the hospital, I felt very strongly that the baby’s remains should not be disposed of as just “medical waste”. They gave us a form with box A (treat the remains as medical waste) or box B (withhold the remains for burial). The nurse apologized for bothering us with the form & encouraged us to check box A, since “that’s what everyone else does”; but we checked box B, which caused quite a stir.
To make a long story short, we were the first couple to request the remains in 20 years. The last couple that did so said they needed to bury the remains “under a tree” for religious reasons – so the hospital asked if it was the same with us. (Of course, the tree part is not necessary for Catholics!) By raising awareness of other options than “disposal” for unborn children, hospital staff has been alerted that there is another way. My husband, great thinker that he is, has written a profoundly meaningful essay about our experience and I really hope it gets published in the local Catholic newspaper, which will reach thousands of people. As a result, word can spread to other couples who experience miscarriage that it is possible to put their child to rest in a respectful, dignified manner, mindful of the Resurrection.
We buried him yesterday at St. Joseph’s Cemetery. For a nominal fee, we own a plot in the ground with our baby’s earthly remains. I haven’t been to the grave yet, but I will someday.
So, even though Ignatius is no longer alive & never spoke, his little life speaks volumes about helping other babies get a decent burial instead of being treated as waste.
“Sometimes a lifetime is lived in the space of a single breath….a heartbeat…or a thought in the mind of God”.
There is peace in knowing God can bring good out of every situation, no matter what. Therefore, I will trust Him.
