Heaven Help Me!

Last night I watched Rocky Balboa. I was struck by the scene with his son when he said these words:

“the world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows; it’s a very mean and nasty place. I don’t care how tough you are – it will beat you to your knees and keep you there, permanently if you let it…but it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth, go out and get what you’re worth. But you got to be willing to take the hits and not point the finger saying you aren’t where you want to be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that! I’m always gonna’ love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son (daughter*) and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna’ have a life.”

~ Rocky Balboa

* I added daughter, because I have four of them.

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Any mom can tell you that once an infant becomes interested in food, eating becomes a foolhardy challenge. I have broken this down into “stages”:

First, they stare at you with a longing that makes you want to share/

Then, they do their best to reach for it with their wiggly, not yet expertly coordinated, fingers (so cute)!

Next, they start to grab food off your plate, examine it in detail by staring intently at it while turning it around at every possible angle, and eat it (this is a pattern for many years to follow).

Finally, they grab food out of your mouth and put it straight into theirs.

Then, you start to eat all meals when the baby is sleeping!

I had to giggle the other day when I realized that I do the same thing to my kids! I will make them a sandwich, but I don’t usually make myself one, since it makes no sense to do so. I know full well there will be leftovers of some sort – crust or otherwise.

So, I’m sitting there with my three year-old talking about all her stuffed animals and what they’ve been up to these days, when I notice she has taken the “cover” off her six cracker sandwiches. She has eaten the cheese entirely out of some of them, others she has scraped a partial amount of the cheese off with her teeth, and left both sides of the cracker untouched. I pick one up. I examine it. I start to bite it, chew it; it tastes ok.  So, I ask her why she didn’t want them, as I continue chewing the one I picked, and she answers while continuing to partially scrape the cheese off another.

3 y/o: “Well, Mommy, I spread chocolate milk on them and then they didn’t taste so good.”

Me: <Gag, gag!!!> “What?! Did you do that to this one?”

3 y/o (calmly with a smile): “Well, yes, Mommy, I did!”

I think I have learned my lesson now. Next time, I will make myself my own sandwich.

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It is true that as a mom of six, I spend a great deal of time trying to complete a task. What takes most people 5 minutes could take me up to an hour, two hours, or more – depending on what comes up at the time. I used to wonder why it took so long – until one day I sat and thought about it. It felt good to realize that I wasn’t really incompetent; it was more like I was trying to shovel snow when the snow was still falling. Or, like a wave that when out to sea does no damage, but when it comes to shore, it topples down the magnificent sandcastle you just built. Or yet another example, trying to walk through water up to your chest, but it is impossible to speed through it.

Motherhood is not about efficiency. It is about building cathedrals. They are ornate and beautifully decorated in the long run, after a great deal of time. However, oftentimes quite a lot of construction mess is sometimes all onlookers see.

These interruptions are the answer to my prayers for patience.

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I have started to get inquiries from people wondering if they are still on our Christmas card list. The short answer is “Yes! You are!” As my three year old Teresa likes to say, “You ARE on my friends’ list!”

I had the best intentions to get these cards out BEFORE Christmas. Other moms with lots of kids did this (even one mom with eight kids), so I knew I could do it, too! However, it has been a CRAZY month around here of getting kids adjusted to school outside our home, getting the kids being educated in our home to actually DO their schoolwork, and then six of us getting the stomach flu just after Christmas Eve. So, the Christmas cards & beautiful letters are still here, everyone, waiting to go out. They say “Merry Christmas”….fortunately as Catholics, we celebrate for many days after Christmas Day. As far as I know, the Christmas police have not arrived yet to tell us it’s over. Thank goodness.

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About a month ago, I started thinking seriously about my son going to school for high school. I began the process of researching different schools for him and scheduling “shadow days” (a day of school for future students to check the place out). He has been surprisingly pleased with the schools, and we have successfully found a school that is a “good fit” for him, where he can start actually this year to get a head start on learning what he needs to learn to be successful in high school.  In the midst of this, my husband suggested I send my first grader to school to lighten my load at home. This has been jarring to my mind, as I always thought I would homeschool all my kids until they graduate from high school.

Truth be told, I am really struggling with homeschooling right now. Something that was once an exhilarating adventure has become difficult most days. I have not done anything about it to this point because I don’t like the alternatives either. But I’m afraid to admit that this year I am doing a bad job and I must consider a change. Potty training my three year old isn’t going well either and I find numerous “surprises” all over the house. It rang true when I saw this and read this .

I reek of homeschool burnout and Halloween candy hangover. Will someone please provide a good, Catholic school (where popular opinion likes the Magisterium) for my children to attend? Then I can take a year off to recuperate from being the brain of the house and wearing 20 different hats simultaneously throughout the day. I will order a pizza for the remaining kids at home, and we will celebrate by sitting down together and reading a story slowly; very, very slowly.

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Thank you, Jennifer, at Conversiondiary.com for such a well said article on having more children.

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